Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
