Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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