I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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