Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
