when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I would fuck him just for his dog
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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