I think I died a long time ago.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
