It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
