evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
