my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
