You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
