My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
