No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
