You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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