Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
