the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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