Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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