Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
