Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
