We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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