The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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