I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
