forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
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You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
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Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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