i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
