My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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