the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
