you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
