Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
