wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
