We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
