Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
