im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The Olympian is in my bed
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
