I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
well you can't waste a boner
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
