Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
