can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
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