Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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