Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
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