what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
