i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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