mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
