i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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