I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
