i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
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The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
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2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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