I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
