we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
