Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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