Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
