8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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