I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
