I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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