i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
