You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Couch. On fire.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
