did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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