Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
