So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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