I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
