his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
