I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
