So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
