True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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