If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
