I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
