she sounds like chewbacca in bed
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
