were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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