idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
