party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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