im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
