Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You're like the curious george of whores
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
