Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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