I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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